Sweetness and Light...

Ji Xiang and Ru Yi

8 months old

Be still my heart.

Until You Come Home to Me...

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One Wish Closer

Sweet, Sweet Relief

THE CALL...

Hunker down, it's a long one.

Let me set the scene from the beginning. For the entire month of October I did nothing but hover over Rumor Queen's site, like a caged animal I paced between Rumors, General Discussion and Travel Tips. I knew in my heart we were next and in August I even went so far as to ask my agency for all of the documents we would need to fill out for travel and while I waited for them, I got my Visa application ready and sent that in.

Thursday, October 20 was the first time the word "Rumors" appeared in a headline, unfortunately it was preceded by the word "No." However, validation of my intuition came in the comments section where bells were ringing and sirens blaring--cutoff is August 2nd!

So, needless to say my productivity at work that day took a nose dive as I stealthily checked by Blackberry in between the impositions of my boss, imagine my being expected to produce under these circumstances, the gall.

Friday, October 21, with my usual Rainman Routine in full swing, I sat down with my cereal, orange juice, makeup, Macbook Pro, and my heart full of hope. I remember vascillating between "there is no way referrals will be this early in the month and OMG, man the phones, get the video camera, where's my ***** pen." Around 7:30, choking back tears, I called my husband at work and told him we were, more than likely, in (it was quite difficult for me to finally begin to step out from under the aegis of self-preservation and let my heart soar; I was so used to living in suspended animation that I had forgotten what a visceral reaction felt like).

Finally, confirmation came, and at exactly 11:16 a.m. I was able to send the ever elusive "WE ARE IN" text to my husband. I remember it so clearly. "We are in. This is it!"

Unfortunately, I cannot remember much about the weekend, but I am sure I spent the majority of the time entertaining various scenarios of how I would react when we finally received THE CALL. Sunday night was a wash as far as sleep; my sheets are threadbare from my fitful tossing and turning.

Monday, October 24. I have snapshots of moments from the day, but the one that stands out the most is my hand-wringing over the fact that my agency hadn't called; all quiet on the western front. Despite my having never received a referral call, I was certain that this was not normal. I asked my husband around lunchtime (yes, I was having PB&J and a Coke) if he thought I should call to check. He said no, just let them go through their process.

By 2 p.m., my brain is untethered and unsettling thoughts are trying to whipsaw my heart. But I say to myself, I am my mother's daughter and I know the strength of my resolve. I am invulnerable; I have made it through the worst bootcamp one could imagine, and I have trained with the best--all of those magnificent women who were kind enough to lend their support and allow me to wear out my welcome as I lurked and longed from afar.

If I could make it through the desolate years of this wait, I knew I could soldier on and make it through these last few hours at work, after which I would be safely back in my realm of relief--my husband's presence.

Finally, a little levity. My husband walks non-chalantly down the steps and asks if I called them yet. "What, you told me not to, do you think I should?" Before he could answer, I was on the phone. Of course, voicemail taunted me; not to be outdone, I tried another contact number, again mocked by technological advances. I turned to my husband and said something's up. The second I said that my phone rang!

At that very moment we were Ricky and Lucy, (you remember when Lucy was pregnant and they were in the apartment and Ricky stuffed the phone in the suitcase--that was us!) running back and forth, looking at each other as if it were only a day since our LID. Talk about Murphy's Law, it was in full swing. I answered before I could even get close to the video camera. It didn't matter, though, because on the other end of the line was our salvation. Her voice was calming. We dispensed with the niceties, I mean really, we both knew what I wanted to hear.

The minute she said "Are you sitting down," I knew something magical was about to happen. I lied and said yes, at that same time she was saying "We have your referralS" with a clear emphasis on the S at the end. I had not yet been able to gather my faculties and did not have the phone on speaker so my husband was looming outside of my bubble, not able to hear anything. At this moment I knew what we were about to be blessed with but did not let on so that he could hear it firsthand! I asked her to wait while I put her on speaker after which she made the announcement. I spewed some type of unladylike transmission, unrecognizable to this usually buttoned-up, arms-length non-emoter (is that a word). My husband went into shock immediately and donned his Halloween costume early because he was as white as a ghost.

I made a feeble attempt at some chicken scratch as her voice spoke two of the most beautiful names I have ever heard. At that very moment I was complete. Finally, I was transcended beyond rote routine into a place of purpose.

WELCOME...

I am so glad you could make it. I have been waiting for you. Please make yourselves at home.

I can't wait to tell you about what it was like to get THE CALL...